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I had disengaged to avoid being totaled I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult Soon be my life Soon be my pace

Look at us in this kitchen Look at us rallying all our defenses Look at us waging war in our bedroom Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues There is no difference In what we’re doing in here That

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way Miss your approach to life and your body in my bed Miss your take on anything and the music you would play Miss cracking up and wrestling and

Fourteen years Thirty minutes Fifteen seconds I´ve Held this grudge Eleven songs Four full journals Thoughts of punishment I´ve expended Not in contact Not a letter Such communication Telepathic You´ve been vilified Used as fodder You deserve a piece Of

you hadn´t seen your father in such a long time he died in the arms of his lover how dare he your mother never left the house she never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots at that particular time love had challenged me to stay at that particular

that I would be good even if I did nothing that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down that I would be good if I got and stayed sick that I would be good even if

how bout getting off these antibiotics how bout stopping eating when I´m full up how bout them transparent dangling carrots how bout that ever elusive kudo thank you india thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you

«I am someone easy to leave»? «Even easier to forget»? a voice, if inaccurate Again: «I´m the one they all run from»? Diatribes of clouded sun Someone help me find the pause button All these tapes in my head swirl

I was afraid you´d hit me if I´d spoken up I was afraid of your physical strength I was afraid you´d hit below the belt I was afraid of your sucker punch I was afraid of you reducing me I

you were full and fully capable you were self sufficient and needless your house was fully decorated in that sense you were taken with me to a point a case of careful what you wish for but what you knew

Something so benign for construed as cruelty Such a difference between who I am and who you see Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect I don´t know who you´re talking to with such f**king disrespect This shit´s making

I won´t see my dear friends as much Male friends especially, I´ll no longer be in touch I´ll change my hobbies to match yours I´ll stop reading my favorite books I won´t spend all this selfish time alone I´ll cater

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and For continuing my numbing love endlessly For helping you and myself: not even considering For beating myself up and overfunctioning To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one?s been crueler